Sexy Back
by Apostasy
Summary: AU oneshotsongfic based in the Trio's 5th year. Fred and George developed a new product and need someone to test it on. Who could be better then Draco Malfoy?


Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the books and/or world of Harry Potter nor do I own Justin Timberlake or his song/lyrics "SexyBack".

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Draco Malfoy stalked into the Great Hall for Lunch with his usual sneer. He quickly sat in the seat that was reserved for just him at the Slytherin table. His two cronies, Crabbe and Goyle, sat across from him as usual.

"Crabbe, Goyle," Draco said harshly after taking a sip of his drink, "do you notice anything… odd about the Pumpkin Juice?"

Crabbe and Goyle each took a turn to sip Draco's drink and grunted back what seemed to be 'it's fine.'

Draco drank again from his goblet before standing up and motioning for his cronies to follow. "Someone's spiked my juice and I bet it's Potter and his stupid posse." As they marched towards the Gryffindor table they crossed the path of Professor Umbridge.

Stopping suddenly, Draco's eyes went strangely unfocussed as he put his hand on Professor Umbridge's shoulder, halting her, and sang, "_I'm bringin' sexy back_."

Professor Umbridge stood stalk still while Draco raised his other hand and swept it through the air singing, "_Them other boys don't know how to act_."

"_I think it's special_…" he then brought the arm that had sailed through the air around Umbridge's back and trialed his middle finger down her spine, "_what's behind your back_."

By now the entire Hall was listening to Draco's solo and all had their mouths hanging wide open.

"_So turn around_," he spun her one-hundred and eighty degrees," _and I'll pick up the slack_."

Crabbe and Goyle were looking at each other confused and trying to figure out what they were suppose to do before their eyes went unfocussed as well and they shouted out, "_Take it to the bridge!_"

"_Dirty babe_," Draco moon walked around the women so he was facing her again.

"_You see these shackles baby_," thrusting out both hands towards the assaulted female Draco held them as if they were cuffed together, "_I'm your slave_."

Quickly turning his head to the left and then right he sang, "_I'll let you whip me if I misbehave_," then tried to do the equivalent of a body roll.

"_It's just that no one makes me feel this way_." Draco put a hand to his heart and looked down while the index finger of his other hand waggled back and forth as if saying, 'no.'

All the while, Goyle and Crabbe had been bobbing their heads back and forth while performing a strange march like dance around each other and swinging their arms into flexing poses. Then suddenly they shouted out, "_Take it to the_ _chorus!_"

"_Come here girl_," Goyle sang while continuing his dance.

"_Go 'head be gone with it_," sang Draco while beckoning Umbridge towards him with a hand.

"_Come to the back_," Crabbe responded.

"_Go 'head be gone with it_." Draco began walking backwards.

"_V.I.P._" Goyle's voice rang out again because he and Crabbe seemed to be singing every other line while Draco continued to sing his part.

"_Go 'head be gone with it_." Ending his walk Draco began to undo the front of his robes.

"_Drinks on me_."

"_Go 'head be gone with it_." Draco finished undoing the top half of his robe revealing a white silk shirt.

"_Le' me see what you're twerking with_."

"_Go 'head be gone with it_." Running his middle fingers down the 'V' that was created by his open robe, Draco turned sideways and began sliding a step at a time back towards his prey.

"_Look at those hips_." Here Draco pointed his index fingers at Professor Umbridge's non-existent hips.

"_Go 'head be gone with it_."

"_Make me smile_."

"_Go 'head be gone with it_." Draco gave her his trade mark sneer.

"_Go 'head child_."

"_Go 'head be gone with it_." Draco was again in front of Umbridge, who had not moved a single centimeter since Draco started singing.

Goyle and Crabbe drew breath together and sang out, "_And, get your sexy on_."

"_Go 'head be gone with it_." Hands from Draco suddenly were on the outside of Umbridge's knees, they made a trail up to her waist.

"_Get your sexy on_."

"_Go 'head be gone with it_." Draco pushed and turned himself away from his Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor and took three large steps and settled into his left hip.

"_Get your sexy on_."

Hooking his right foot behind his left Draco spun to face his teacher again and suddenly was sliding on his knees towards her while beginning the second verse, "_I'm bringin' sexy back_."

"_Them other suckers don't know how to act_," Draco began to thrust his pelvis forward.

After Umbridge nearly fainted due to the thrusts, Draco took two knee walks singing, "_Girl let me make up for all the things you lack_."

"_Because your burning up_," Bringing himself to full height while remaining on his knees Draco sang, "_I got to get it fast_," before he flung himself backwards to the floor so that his calves were still tucked under him.

"_Take it to the__ bridge!_" Crabbe and Goyle belted out again.

"_Dirty babe_," Draco began to whither on the floor.

Pushing himself into yet another kneeling position he sang, "_You see these shackles baby I'm your slave_."

To Umbridge's horror Draco then began to crawl towards her. "_I'll let you whip me if I misbehave_."

Jumping up so that he was not more then an inch from the Professor, Draco sang into her ear, "_It's just that no one makes me feel this_ _way_."

Then Goyle and Crabbe once again sing, "_Take it to the_ _chorus!_"

"_Come here girl_," Crabbe began this time.

"_Go 'head be gone with it_," sang Draco while pumping his fists into the air in a strange disco type of way.

"_Come to the back_," Goyle responded.

"_Go 'head be gone with it_." Draco began walking around Professor Umbridge continuing his disco.

"_V.I.P._"

"_Go 'head be gone with it_." Stopping so that they were face to face Draco pulled off the rest of his robe.

"_Drinks on me_."

"_Go 'head be gone with it_." Draco tossed the robe to the side.

"_Le' me see what you're twerking with_."

"_Go 'head be gone with it_." Slowly brushing the outsides of the DADA Professor's arms with his finger tips, Draco slid his hands down her arms.

"_Look at those hips_." Draco's hands had reached were Umbridge's hips should have been and he moved them in a figure eight, which only managed to almost knock her over.

"_Go 'head be gone with it_."

"_Make me smile_."

"_Go 'head be gone with it_." Draco flashed his sneer once again.

"_Go 'head child_."

"_Go 'head be gone with it_." Taking a step backward, Draco slowly pumped his torso in and out while turning it from side to side.

Singing out together Crabbe and Goyle began, "_And, get your sexy on_."

"_Go 'head be gone with it_." As Draco continued his chest popping Professor Umbridge started growing red in the face.

"_Get your sexy on_."

"_Go 'head be gone with it_."

"_Get your sexy on_."

As everything went silent for a moment Draco pulled off a double spin before stopping with his head turned towards none other then Neville Longbottom. "_I'm bringin' sexy back_."

Taking a running step Draco slid on the back of his designer label dress shoes towards Neville as he sang, "_You other suckers watch how I attack_."

Stopping in front of Neville, Draco pointed at Umbridge, "_If that's_," he pointed back at Neville, "_your girl, you better watch your back_." Neville only shook his head in a terrified manner with as his eyes darted from his Professor to Draco and back.

"'_Cause you're burning up for me at that's a fact_," Draco walked back towards the now angry Doloris Umbridge whose face was a deeper shade then Lune Lovegood's radish earrings.

"_Take it to the __chorus!_" Crabbe and Goyle sang for the beginning of the end.

"_Come here girl_." Goyle yelled.

"_Go 'head be__ gone…_" Draco's came back into focus as he finally realized what he had been doing.

"_Come to the __back…_" Crabbe's eyes cleared up also as he looked around stupidly.

Professor Umbridge came out of her stupar when she felt as though the song was coming to an end. She opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Goyle singing, "_V.I.P…_" before he came to his senses like the first two and grunted, "Uh… what happened?"

Drawing breath yet again, Umbridge glanced around to make sure no one would interrupt her again before she bellowed, "Is this some kind of practical joke!"

Draco was so absorbed with remembering what he had just done that all he could do was stare down at his hands while his eyes grew wider and wider.

When it came apparent that none of the three were going to answer her Umbridge told them venomously, "You three, detention for a week!" Before she marched out of the Hall and slamming the doors shut.

Finally looking up, Draco gave a sharp look towards the trio and shouted, "Whoever did this is going to pay." Before he too, ran out of the Great Hall with his hands held in front of him as if they contained some deadly disease. Crabbe and Goyle were close behind.

Once they were out the door the entire Great Hall burst into laughter, which made it very convenient for Fred and George to look at the other and simultaneously say, "That was bloody brilliant!" without anyone over hearing them.

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A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! I did make minor changes to the song, but if there are any major mistakes to any lyrics please let me know. Also, reviews are always great to get, so if you have time, just jot down what you thought.


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